I've had this song burning in me all week and then the worship team this morning sang it and it's really blessed me so I thought I'd share it with you. It'sa song called "Healer". You can find it by Hillsong or Kari Job, which is my favorite.

You hold my very moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe

And I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

You hold my very moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease
I trust in You, Lord I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
Oh, I believe

I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
Oh, yes You are, yes You are

And I believe You're my portion
Lord I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need
More than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

You're my healer

I wanted to share an update about Paxy with you all. I waited so long because we just wanted to process the information and we wanted to wait until we received some extra news, which we got yesterday. So basically, our surgeons here in Tulsa have decided there's nothing more they can do for Pax and thought that a transplant was the best option for him. So they sent his records off to Dr. Canter in St. Louis to be reviewed for transplant. Yesterday Dr. Canter contacted Pax's cardiologist who then relayed the info to us. They don't think Pax is a good candidate for transplant right now because all of his numbers are so good and he's doing so well. However, they do think they might be able to do a surgery to help him out. They want us to go up to St. Louis to have some tests done to check his heart for fibrosis/scarring. If there isn't scarring then they can probably do the procedure. If there is too much scarring then they'll evaluate him for transplant. So right now I'm just waiting on a call from St. Louis to schedule everything.

In other news I'm soo excited today because my weight finally entered a new "decade"!! I haven't been in this decade since probably 2006. I've lost 15 pounds so far and believe me I have worked hard for those pounds! Now just... A whole lot more to go! Haha

Hey y'all! Just wanted to give a quick update. Pax had his heart cath Tuesday morning. (I included a couple pictures for you. The first one is him in his big boy gown beforehand and the second is him trying to come out of lala land afterwards.) We went in at 5:30am Tuesday and they started about 8:00am. It only took about 1 1/2 hours and he did great during it. Other than having trouble throwing up afterwards there weren't any other issues recovering. They were unable to balloon anything unfortunately. The narrowing ended up being just below the aorta...basically it looks like its the aortic valve which is just below the actual aorta. The area he had repaired last August is just above the new narrowing and they said it looks great. The doctor was actually really impressed with how good it looked. The site where the coarctation was repaired during his 1st surgery has gotten a little narrow again, but not do much that they're concerned about it. The doctor said it could be a few years before he would have to balloon it. So back to the new narrowing...tomorrow is the big conference between all the doctors. They'll come up with a gameplan and then the surgeons office will call us to set up an appointment to meet. I've been told a couple different things regarding the possibility of surgery so I'll just tell you what is actually decided when we find out. I'm hoping I will hear about an appointment tomorrow afternoon, but it'll probably be Monday. It seems like each time we get a little more emotional than the last time. I just dread having Pax go through anything else as well as the effects that it has on the family. It's kind sucky, but I know that no matter what happens that God will give us the strength needed and we will come out the other side even stronger than before. Please keep our family in your prayers as we face the next step. Thanks!

Cath Scheduled

Alrighty, so here's the latest...I talked to Pax's cardiologist on Monday and the surgeons agreed that he needed to have the heart cath now. Dr. Madronero said they were concerned though that if the balloon can't be done that surgery wouldn't be the answer for him. I know his age and size factor into that, but I don't really know what exactly that means. She didn't go into any more detail about the meeting than that and I didn't ask because it doesn't matter...the balloon will work. His heart cath is scheduled for the 24th...arriving about 5:30am and starting around 7:00am & pre-op stuff the day before. Please be praying with us that the location of concern is located high enough that it can be ballooned. God has been so good and has brought him through so much already and we've seen Him do so many miracles in Pax before so we don't expect this to be any different. Also be praying that he stays healthy the next couple weeks so no scheduling changes have to be made. Thanks a ton!

Oh, I thought I'd include a funny picture for you. This past Friday Josh and I went to the wedding of some really close friends. I don't consider myself to be photogenic at all, but I'm pretty good at taking goofy pictures so here ya go. (The other woman is my lovely sister-in-law, Lish.)

And here's a picture I took of Pax and Kaiden playing in the laundry basket.

Gosh, it's been a long time since I last posted. Where have my days gone so quickly?

Well to start with, after 4-5 weeks I FINALLY got my biopsy results back. (They somehow got lost.) The mass was determined to be a thyroid benign cyst. So it's totally fine right now. Since it isn't interfering with breathing or swallowing or my thyroid function they'll just keep leaving it alone. I'm supossed to follow up on my thyroid numbers in a few months though and keep an eye on any symptoms in the meantime. So good news! Still taking the Prozac for now to help with the fatigue, which by the way that stuff makes you hot and sweaty, but it has helped so I'll keep taking it for now. Guess I'll stay warm this winter. Haha!

In May I celebrated my 29th birthday, which means only 1 more year of being officially "young". Although I don't think being in your 30's is "old" but being in your "20's" is just different. It feels younger. I plan to accomplish a whole lot this next year.

Josh and I celebrate our 9 year anniversary June 7th. It's hard to believe that next year will be 10 years. For the past 9 years we have jokingly talked about what we would do for our 10 year anniversary and now that it's only a year away I guess we should start saving for that cruise we wanted to take. Not to mention childcare for while we are gone. Haha! We had a wonderful time celebrating our anniversary though without any kids, thanks to the in-laws. :) We went to OKC and went to the Bombing Memorial. Wow...such a heavy place, but so amazing to stand there. We went through the museum which made everything even more meaningful. If you ever get the chance, go to the memorial and museum. Do the museum though before going outside on the grounds. It makes it a much more profound experience.

One year ago this past Thursday Pax had his heart cath and we got horrible news that he would need another open heart surgery. This past Thursday he went for his cardiology check up and we weren't given horrible news, but not great news either. Basically his pressures have still been increasing. Enough so that his doctor is concerned now. Next Friday all the doctors and surgeons will meet to talk about cases and they'll discuss Pax then too. His cardiologist wants him to have another heart cath to determine exactly where the narrowing is located and get a better idea of how bad it is. The general area is the same place he had repaired last August, but they can't tell the exact location. If the narrowing is located far enough above the aortic valve then they might be able to balloon it during the heart cath, otherwise he would need another open heart surgery. So please be believing with us that they will be able to just balloon it open. His cardiologist is supposed to call me next Friday afternoon after the meeting to let me know how the meeting went and how soon they decided to do a cath. I know that no matter what God has been with us throughout everything so far and we've already seen Him do miracles in Pax so I only expect the same.

I'll leave you with a few recent pictures.

I'm so excited about my life I could burst! My hormones must be flying extra high today allowing for this, but I'll take it! haha! I'm always excited and hopeful about life and what the future holds, but lately I'm extra excited. Here's the thing...I've been stuck at the same weight for about a year now. I have exercised on and off during that time and even started using "myfitnesspal" to track all my calories and exercise. For a few months I have been consistently exercising and eating around 1200-1300 calories a day and I wasn't losing anything! I was even getting headaches and have been extra tired. Thank the Lord for the internet! Last week I finally got frustrated and got online and did a little research and found that I was probably not eating enough calories and that my body was thinking it was starving. So I updated my fitness pal information and it upped my calories to 1530 a day!! All I had to do was update my information...duh! I wish I had done that sooner. So for the last week or so I've been eating those 1530 calories and occasionally I eat back a little of the burned calories and I have lost 3 pounds! In just a week! I am flabbergasted! Who would have thought I just needed to eat MORE?? I haven't lost that many pounds in a week since I gave birth to Pax! :) Finally I feel like I'm making progress and that I actually have hope of reaching my goal of being a size 6. It's a lofty goal and I haven't been in a size 6 since I got married almost 9 years ago, but I'm choosing to reach high this time. I believe I can do it and I'm going to do what I can to reach that goal. 

In other news, I had my biopsy last Wednesday and it went about a million times better than the biopsy I had 8 years ago. 8 years ago I just laid on a table while the doctor jabbed my neck with a needle over and over and over and over until finally I asked him to stop because I couldn't take it anymore. Beforehand I remember him going into this big explanation about how he couldn't numb me and why and he tried to prepare me for the pain I was about to endure. That experience was pretty traumatizing to both Josh and I. So I was pretty nervous going into this biopsy, but it was a complete 180 from last time. The doctor did it with the aid of an ultrasound so he could see exactly where he was poking and he numbed me. It still hurt, but instead of a screaming pain it was a dull pain and he only jabbed me 3 times and it was over. Have I made you cringe yet? haha Sorry, I tend to go into more detail than I probably should, but it's fun sometimes. :) I am still waiting on the results from the biopsy, but I have an appointment in 2 weeks to get them. I'm hoping they come back before then though. I hate waiting.

Thank you for praying for me! I very much appreciate it! :) Have a great Hump Day!