Tuesday, November 1, 2011

I've been reflecting a lot lately on the past year and all that we have been through and all of the changes that have occurred because of the challenges we have had to face. Specifically, I have been thinking a lot about the challenges that I have faced in the last year. Having a child with special health needs makes me look at my own health whether I want to or not and really examining where I am and where I want to be in my health.

When I was growing up I had to watch my Mom deal with some really incredible health issues. I watched her struggle and fight for her life everyday and she did it with a grace and courage that I have yet to see in anyone else. For as long as I can remember she fought against her weight which in my opinion caused her major health battles. After seeing her go through everything she did I made a pact with myself that I would never be like her physically. I promised myself that I would do everything I could to be physically fit and healthy no matter what. I have kept that pact in my mind and heart even up until now.

In the summer of 2009 I realized that I had "let myself go". After having 2 kids I had put all my focus on taking care of my husband and 2 kids and that I didn't have time or energy to put into myself. I decided that summer though that I was going to change my lifestyle. I started exercising and eating right and I started to change my thinking about food and fitness and self worth. That was 2 years ago and everyday I still have to remind myself that I am worth being healthy. I remind myself that my kids need me to be healthy and my husband needs me to be healthy. I need to be healthy so that I can teach my kids to be healthy and for Pax it is of HUGE importance that he lead a healthy lifestyle.

Having Pax around has made me look even harder at myself and it makes me take things a step further and look at what we are teaching the boys about health. I'm also learning that I have to rely on God to give me the strength to lead a healthy lifestyle. And ultimately I have to find my self worth in HIM.

Today I "fell off the wagon" big time and about ate myself into a candy coma. So to prove to myself that it doesn't matter I made myself work out really hard before bed and it felt so good!

These days my motivation is the picture of my Mom on my mantel, as well as my wedding pictures (I was skinny then. :) and of course Philippians 4:13 (AMP) "I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through HIM Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency].

Josh and I Summer 2009

Josh and I Halloween weekend 2011