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"Redeemed"

by Big Daddy Weave

Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

Here's the link to the actual song if you want to listen to it. 

Hopefully you took the time to listen to that song or at least read all those lyrics. It's such a powerful song to me. How many times in my life have I felt unworthy of God's love or felt completely overwhelmed by His love? Too many to count. Every time I face a new struggle I have tried to roll it off my back and say that my whole life has been a struggle, which is pretty true. From a child, to a teenager to adulthood I have felt a big call on my life, but at every turn it seemed the enemy was trying to kill me physically, emotionally and spiritually. As a child I felt ignored and inadequate  As a teenager I was so depressed I wanted to take my own life. Thankfully God loved me so much that He never gave up on me and constantly sent people across my path to lift me up. I watched my Mom struggle for her life on a daily basis. After the birth of our 1st son my marriage almost fell apart. And now I have a son who, according to medicine, shouldn't even be alive. Yet, through all of these struggles God has shown Himself so strong in my life and He still wants to use me despite my struggles. Josh and I have faced so many trying times in the last 10 years and we finally feel like we're at a place in our lives that we have great hope for the future. An "easier" life is just around the corner. We're building a house of our own after living in an apartment for 6+ years. Our car is almost paid off and we're watching God move in our little Pax everyday. Watching Him heal Him everyday is so amazing. We're both finally on the same page and diving into God's presence. I'm finally in a place where I'm ready to answer the call of God on my life. I don't feel bound by my past anymore. I, by myself, will never be "good enough", but God's love and grace and mercy is there to redeem me and make me worthy. Seriously how great is our God?? It's such an amazing feeling to be able to "shake off those heavy chains" like the song says. 

If you're reading this I hope you take the time to listen to the song and let God minister to your heart. Answer His call. What is it the He is asking you to do? 

I am one of those weirdos that loves winter. Not so much the freezing cold, but rather the snow and fires in the fireplace and s'mores. As a kid I loved playing in the snow with my older brother and younger sister. We would build these amazing forts and sliding paths. In my mind I still think they are way cooler than anything anyone else could ever build, but in reality they probably weren't that cool. Don't tell Josh that though because I still brag about the forts I built as a kid. Anyways, I was super bummed that we haven't had any snow this winter and its the end of February. Well last week we finally got a little snow. It only stayed around for 1 day, but it was long enough to get to watch the kids play in it. I snapped a few pictures that I thought I'd share. We are supposed to be getting another snow storm tonight so maybe we'll actually get a snow day out of it. :)

It's been a difficult few weeks for me. I've really been struggling physically. I went to the doctor last month and they went ahead and started me on thyroid meds and I'm supposed to go this week and have some more blood work done to see where my numbers are. It's been incredibly difficult getting trough each day. I have never felt so weak and exhausted in my life. I haven't been able to do my workouts like I normally could, although with the meds I've been able to get back to about 3 days a week for at least 15 or 20 minutes so I'm working on it. I know I'll get better and that it just takes time and patience.

Also this Friday is Pax's cardiology appointment. I've been catching myself getting anxious about it wondering where his numbers are. But I was reminded this week that God has already healed Pax according to His Word and all we have left to do is stand and rejoice and thank and praise God for it. I was working out today and this song by Britt Nicole came on called "Stand" and it really hit home for me. It really lifted me today so I thought I'd share the lyrics.

I wake up to another day
I don't know if I can face
All the fears that are staring me down
Yeah, I'm trying to be brave
But I'm a thread about to fray
I want to stand, but I don't know how
I look U-UP!
and all I see is Your love holding me

When I feel like giving up
When my heart has hurt too much
Feels like i've reached the end
No, I won't turn and run
This battle will be won
When I've done all I can
I stand, stand, stand
I stand, stand, stand

Some days I lose my place
It's a fight to keep my faith
But, You are with me
I am not alone, noooo
When all around my world gives way
Tossed like an ocean wave
You are my rock when the storm clouds blow
I look up
And all I see is Your love holding me

When I feel like giving up
When my heart has hurt too much
Feels like i've reached the end
No, I won't turn and run
This battle will be won
When I've done all I can
I stand, stand, stand
I stand, stand, stand

On Your promise, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand

On Your promise, I will stand
All other ground is sinking sand
Sinking sand
Oh woah,
It's sinking, sinking,
Yea yeah, yeah

When I feel like giving up
When my heart has hurt too much
Feels like i've reached the end
No, I won't turn and run
This battle will be won, yeahhhh

So I'll stand, stand, stand,
I stand, stand, stand
I stand, stand, stand